Beautiful (what you discover whilst surfing YouTube without being judgemental)

As said before, I tend to dwell in moody music in an attempt to grab myself back together again, after something sad/painful/nasty/etc. has happened. I wonder what I did before when there was no Internet yet. Of course, I actually do know what I did. But gosh, how I was able to satisfy my needs then, compared to now, I have no idea. Most of the time I am quite an easy person for others to please, or satisfy, whatever. But absolutely not for myself.

My demands towards myself are high, if not too high. Maybe that's to compensate what I lack from what I get (= ask for) from others. Silly really, 'cause you just make life more difficult for yourself. If anyone of you thinks about writing a psychological book for the mentally challenged, here's a great working title: "The art of asking - how to get what you want & need, and create the life you've always dreamt of".

On second thought, forget about that, I may write it myself.

But what I'm actually trying to say is that I constantly find that I can't see how one is suppose to help "the self", without any help from others. No matter how deep I digg in this black, dark, muddy but interesting hole which is called (the emotional side of) my brain, I just don't get it. There's always this need, this craving for a helping hand.

It has a nice, warm touch to it; you're not alone on this planet, you live your life with millions and millions of "others" so why not share it, deal with it together? But it hacks me off that I am apparently depending on those, which at the moment feels like all my decisions and what I try to make of them, depends on how they feel about it and what they do (or don't do) with it. Maybe not for the full 100% but their influences are there, right?

So while I was digging away, I also did some digging at Youtube. Now you get a whole load of crap there sometimes, and when aware of that, you quite easily flick through the search results without having a proper look. For some weird reason I decided not to do that today, and it was worth it!
X Japan's "Say anything" made me shiver and forget about "anything" the next 8 minutes or so.

Whatever you think about when you watch the clip, drop your (if any) judgemental thoughts, sit back and give it a chance. Behind the ridiculous hair styles, make-up covered faces, sometimes plain weird or mad behaviour and the usual bits of funny Japanese-English translation, this is (to me anyway) a most touching song played by a very talented Japanese band. At the very last bit the following text is whispered, one of the most beautiful I've ever come across with:

"I believed
If time passes, everything turns into beauty
If the rains stops,
tears clean the scars of memory away
Everything starts wearing fresh colors
Every sound begins playing a heartfelt melody
Jealousy embellishes a page of the epic
Desire is embraced in a dream
But my mind is still in chaos and..."

J

X Japan - Say Anything (Subtitles):