Attention, attention!

About 40 min's ago or so, I signed in to my blog account to write a new post. Usually, before I get to that, I check out some of my fav sites/blogs (see list of them somewhere in the sidebar).

This time, I didn't get far. I got stuck at Flea's blog and that was it. And, like I said, it's 40 min's (or so) later. Now I am a bit of a Flea-fan (huge actually, but I don't want to give any of you the impression that I'm getting a bonus out of this or something), which means:

• I check her blog very often,
  
• which also means that when there's a new post, it doesn't normally take 40 min's (or so) to read it (unless she's doing her "months of email-catching up"-round).
• none of that this time, her post was somewhat of a confession...
• and that means: good news!
  

Apparently a few members of our beloved blogging society have had a baby! The delivery went very well and the name of this newborn is

~ OFFSPRUNG ~

Check it out, isn't it a beauty?

J

Puzzle

I remember when I was a child, there was this puzzle that I had been working on for a long time, well maybe not that long, but considering the ADHD brain it was for me most certainly a VERY long time. All would have been fine, if not for the fact that in the end, I discovered there were 2 pieces missing. Do you know how frustrating that is, especially for a kid, that you can't finish it? It felt like I had completely waisted all my time.

It's funny how the same situation is different when you're about 20, 30 years older. This time the one who is completely blowing it all out of proportion is not you, but your own child. Of course you understand its frustration, and the loudly expressed tantrum that follows (most likely you actually see yourself as a child again). After an impressive escape from being hit by the carton box of this puzzle you perform a vague attempt to calm down your very hacked off child. Not that you think it helps, but hey, you're a mother (or father) so that's what you do. You show some understanding and you tell him/her it's not the end of the world.

Probably it's better, that it doesn't help right away. You've gotta learn to realise yourself that there are worse things in life than an incomplete puzzle. The only thing a parent can hope for is that these attempts of comforting and explaining, will in the end help a child to be able to understand, out of its own feelings and emotions, what is really important, or not.

If only growing up and learning to deal with likewise matters of life, was 'as simple' as a kid's puzzle with a few missing pieces. It gets a lot more complicated. And as every person is different from the other, there are different ways and different forms of abilities in people in relation to this "growing up business".

You may think by now that I totally lost it, starting with a simple example of an incomplete puzzle and ending up talking like Freud. But what I actually mean, is that even complicated situations in adult life, can be approached like a puzzle with a few missing pieces. Obviously, I know there's a significant difference between for example a Teletubbies-puzzle and an ending relationship, but maybe, just maybe we should actually try now and again to go back to childhood and see the world a bit less complicated. Maybe we should give ourselves the chance again to have a more innocent look at life.

'Cause maybe, when confronted with incomplete puzzles... we might have a tantrum, throw a little fit, or whatever... but then, like being comforted by our mother,
we are able to calm down, understand, accept. And deal with it. The small advantage of adulthood is that we've hopefully developed enough of our Theory of Mind, so this dealing is done to our best intentions, for the ones around us, as for ourselves.

(I probably go too far with suggesting we could let this immaturely be followed by insisting we need an ice cream to feel better , right?)

J

Opportunity, (short story on how thinking could become acting)

Tired, very tired; not physically though, more tired "upstairs" as she would call it. That's how she felt. Drained. But still, it surprised her how strong and powerful that same tired head motivated her to continue. Aware of the flashes of fear, uncertainty and worries, all trying to get rid of the brave attempts to build up self confidence, she kept on telling herself to focus on this motivating force and not to waste it. For this might be an opportunity that doesn't come around often.

The last few days had been very hard and, she realized again, she still instinctively felt the need to defend and prove herself. Instead of aiming her thoughts to the ones who (she thought) gave her this feeling, she worked on the thoughts themselves, trying to figure out why they were there in the first place. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but this was all part of learning to deal with her own responsibilities.

When you realise that you are responsible for your own life, including the consequences of these responsibilities, you find there are a whole lot more opportunities than you would think of. And if you feel instinctively that they could help you to become what you want to be, should you waste them?

J

Still Standing

One of the most difficult sides of making major decisions in life, is the feeling that you have to defend yourself for choosing them. I specifically say "feeling" as in fact it's something that doesn't necessarily have to be part of it. Most of the time, it's all down to yourself really. Which is easier said then done of course.

In general, it is up to you whether or not you allow these feelings in and/or have influence on what they do to you. Not that I am such a know-it-all in these matters; far from that actually. I have quite often been led by my seemingly instinctive defence system, at times even before people had said or done anything, just because I was worried/frightened that they would.
Looking back on life, I totally understand how I created this self defence side of me. I always found it hard to cope with that gut feeling, and I think that might cause that one tends to look for somebody to blame. In my case, that wasn't so difficult. Since my childhood there have been plenty of those around. But is that fair?

Call me whatever you like, but at nearly 40, I still strongly believe that everybody starts life with a good heart. Depending on their development and experiences in life, they turn out to be what they are, or do a very good job on hiding that and protect themselves by putting on a mask. For some, life is more a survival of the fittest. If you take that into consideration, it is a little easier to try not to blame someone.

So recently I've been trying hard not to be defensive, and not to blame someone, apart from myself at times. To be able to do that, I've got to act out of a different thinking process. (But that's something for another post...) I'm certainly not there yet and, although it feels that (especially at this particular phase of my life) I'm being 'tested' to the extremes, I am not giving up.

Like I said: definitively not there yet, and I'm so tempted sometimes to go back to my usual habits... But then, there's always a little kick in the butt to keep you going, and that's good... even if it's my own rebellious butt...

J

You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah, I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

Cleese, an attraction of fun

One of the books I thoroughly enjoyed is this one, which is, apart from the fact that it's just very good, also quite special as it is a 304 pages long dialogue.

It is as if you're sitting in this room, together with Skynner and Cleese, listening to their interesting, sometimes heated but o so funny conversations about family life (and how to survive them; wouldn't we all like to know?!). It doesn't really matter whether or not you agree with Skynner's view on this subject. He's quite passionate with his knowledge and opinions about the psychological slices of life and John Cleese, well, he's just so direct, funny (and hilarious at times), that it will be hard to not enjoy this book.

The theory they talk about is a triggering one. It triggered me, anyway. Not that I think I can explain it to you in just one single post (as the book covers 300+ pages, I obviously can't even get close) but one of the basic "facts" they mention is as follows:

The people you live with, let's say your partner, your friends, you've apparently chosen before you actually even spoke to them, the first time you met his/her/them. It seems that we all somehow are attracted to persons, who've got (roughly) the same experiences, feelings and expectations of life. Again, this is a very brief statement of one of the many interesting and mind tickling topics in this book.

I finished reading it quite a while ago now but, funnily enough, it keeps coming back to me in various ways. Lately it "showed up" because it, again, matched with something else I read about: the law of attraction.

Now that's a subject which deserves a post (or even more) on its own, but it is worth mentioning it here just to give it a thought. If you think this will pleasently tickle your brain, you should definetely read the book and/or, if you like, check out the side of the LOA. I'm sure that when you google a bit, you'll find much more on these subjects.

Speaking about googling (and why I came up with John Cleese today): when doing my usual morning routine behind the PC, I bumped into a video which made me laugh, even though I hadn't even finished my coffee yet, which should say enough. (In terms of the law of attraction, coffee is probably constantly on my mind).
This sketch is full of self sarcasm which is so "attractive to me", in terms of LOA; more then enough to discover afterwards that I had half a cup of cold coffee in front of me. And that's just so unattractive...
J

Believe in me

"Do you have Lenny's "Believe in me?"" she asked him, when he was looking for some music on his PC. She stood behind him, and looking at his back, she couldn't resist leaning against him, feeling the warmth of his body.

He didn't have it, which was a shame really. It would have perfectly suited the moment. How perfectly 'perfect' it would have been, she only realised later.

It took her a while to grab herself back together again, but she managed. It was rewarding in the end. She had the feeling they both were able to do better this time. She believed in him and that also meant that she had to allow herself to trust that he believed in her too.

Desires, wishes, needs. They all deserve a different approach sometimes and in a way she was proud of discovering that. All you need to start is to believe in yourself. When you do this, you can honestly say out loud: Believe in me. And what follows is that the one you say it out loud to, instantly feels that you believe in him/her too. Call it a circle of trust.

She knew it wasn't always going to be easy; it may take a long time before discovering, via accepting and trying, ends up in achieving. But she had the will to try and the first attempt was succesful.

Thank God he didn't have Lenny's "Believe in me" though. She would have failed miserably if he did.

J

Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place.

I wish I could say that I created this statement, but I didn't. First of all, it wouldn't be fair, secondly would you want to argue with him?

But he's got a point here, hasn't he... I would even dare to say that this is true for everyone; the lucky bit of the world's population knows this for a fact already, the rest of us just have to take off those oh so useful but "killing you softly" dark glasses and have the guts to look at the world, your world, and dare to say "Hi, this is me!".

I also wish I could say this out of experience, but every single time I got blinded by the light, I ever so quick grabbed those glasses again to feel the safety of coverage.

'Cause that's exactly what you do. You cover up yourself and think that image of you represents your being. What a lie. Not only towards the world, but mostly towards yourself.

Deep down you feel your passion, how you really want to be, hidden, covered up. You think that it will be safe there, but it screams at you and one day, the screaming gets so loud that you can no longer ignore it. And you should feel so lucky that you weren't deaf for that, for it is probably the most important event that ever happened in your life.

It screams for a reason, it wants you to be You.

Now, I'm gonna be honest: I am certainly not the most easy person when it comes to listening while somebody is actually telling me what to do. But hey, this is me right, that screaming voice is my own, so why not give it a go and hear what it has to say?
What happens next might be a huge discussion, an overheated conversation between several parties in a very important board meeting, a matter of life and death. And no matter how hard you try to argue with their opinions, you fail because you know: they are right. And then it finally hits you. All that arguing, all those rows inside, they mean nothing more (and certainly nothing less!) than coming to terms with yourself. Because all those opinions, they were actually your own. And all the facts you used to fight them of with, were build on fear, pure fear. Fear grown out of experiences maybe, experiences you used to teach yourself a negative lesson. But what if you use those same experiences to turn into something positive?

I think it will be the moment that you have lost your dark glasses, and they are never to be found again.

Easier said then done, I know. But that same screaming voice inside me, tells me it's worth it.
So here I am, looking at the world, with tears streaming down my face because the bright lights hurt my eyes.
But knowing that once you get used to it, you don't want to go back.


(that, plus the fact that I haven't got a clue where the ..... I left those damned glasses)

J