Connie

I always have loved to watch those 'talent-shows', Idols, The X-factor etc. While I hate the whole overexcited scene's around it, the build up along the way towards the finals is great. First of all, you're being served with great comedy watching the first few rounds, as you get to see the most embarrassing, hilarious and dread full performances of people who actually think they're the next Kelly Clarkson or suggest they could fill in for Robbie in Take That. Yes I know, it's a sad way of taking the micky out of star-wannabees. But sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

After that, the tears of laughter are replaced by a simmering excitement, as the ones who make it through the next rounds, are slowly winning your heart (or not) because they actually can sing (or not) or at least prove that there's something special hiding in there. All they need is a bit of Simon Cowell and off they go...

The last episodes are quite often no good for social life, as you constantly argue with family and/or friends about who should win this competition, and why, and why not?!??! When the show is over, you have to get yourself out of the habit to plan your whole week around the TV times-schedule, telling you exactly when you will be available for your kids, partner and so on, but mainly very clearly when not.

In that way, it's a good thing that I don't watch TV anymore. Frightening sometimes when you realise what kind of effect it can have on human behaviour and socializing habits. And as I sometimes still regret that I can't follow up all these fun things on telly, I rest in the assurance that when worse comes to worst, there's YouTube.
That's how I found Connie.

It's not only the sweet little face of this girl which attracted me to watch the video. It was a combination of that and the likely hood of another great comment of Simon, plus the title of the song which was "Somewhere over the rainbow". All together something I couldn't resist and I pressed Play. The next few minutes I was staring at the screen, probably with my mouth open and completely taken by the amazing sound of that little girl.

I realize it all depends on one's mood, the way one can think about Simon Cowell or little people who perform like miniature Eva Cassidy's whilst they should actually still play with their favorite dolls. But I find it hard to believe that there is someone who cannot be touched by watching this little treasure who's been found somewhere, over the rainbow...

J

Love, and another way of asking for it

I haven't watch TV for a long, long time. The odd episode of Dr. Who shouldn't count. And ok, I admit that now and again a very good movie is a way to shut me up and force me to stay put on the couch. But that's about it.

I somehow stopped watching TV for nearly 2 years ago now, and I haven't looked back since. Of course, surrogate screens make up for it; there's Internet, so checking Google News is the 1st thing I do early morning (after I fed the cats, led the dog out, made coffee, got my cigarettes, led the dog back in, sat behind the PC, walked back to the kitchen to get my pills which I of course forgot again, but hey that's were the pills are for anyway). I may be blond, but not completely stupid: I want to know what's going on in this world. So this type of news checking works for me.
In fact, it's a lot better as well, as I can choose whenever and whatever I want to see/read. The news is more than Bush, economical issues or Downing Street alone. If it wasn't for Google News, I would never have known that Anna Nicole Smith, whilst heavily pregnant and under influence of some sort of illegal drug, was filmed by her not-so-official-husband 3 months before she died (so that the whole world could see how lonely and sad she actually was). I mean, did you know that? You see? Just an example.

I do not miss TV, lets say for about 95%. The remaining part of 5% belongs to MMRSP (Missing My Really Special Programs). These programs vary in contents and importance, but nr. 1 is and has always been Ally McBeal.
I loved it. You could wake me up in the middle of the night, just by whispering "Ally...". But it became more of a problem when Ally's going-to-be-new lover was introduced to the series. It was Robert Downey Jr.

Now I am far from going all wild about actors/actresses, I mean you like them or you don't, some may be even admired, but life in the real world, or in my real world, doesn't look anything like theirs. But then you see Robert. And with Robert, things seem different.

I am certainly not going to explain all the ins and outs of "why precisely Robert, of all the men in the world, is to me the representation of Mr. Love", because I just haven't got the time right now to spend an extra 2 hrs on this post and I might probably bore you to death. (Hard to believe though, but if so, I'm afraid you need a (new) pair of glasses... I mean, have you ever looked into his eyes??)


Last weekend life wasn't easy; 'not easy' in this context are grown-up words for bloody miserable. Because of trying to stay ahead of this state of mind, the dramatic mood swings started to attack. To make things worse of course, I began thinking about Love. There are so many ways of 'being loved', but I realised that it never really occurred to me that there are also different ways of asking for it. Dramatic mood swings then turned into melo-dramatic ones, as I wondered whether or not I might have been asking the wrong Love-question all my life. The "there's no light at the end of this tunnel"-mood was trying hard to approach "just feeling bloody miserable".

But when times are hard, there's always YouTube. It comes close to a life saviour, especially for melo-dramatic types like me. It provides you with a never ending stream of vid's and music so you can create the most perfect drama setting for a good old melancholic crying session. And it's so much easier to look (=ask) for Love as well, instead of in reality. Just type the word into the search field and wow, see that? It's Robert Downey Jr.!

(just in case that he IS your type, you'll probably miss out on the lyrics completely, so they're here too. And Elton, not to be offensive, but thanks for swapping your personal appearance in this vid for Mr. Love himself)

I Want Love
Written by Elton John/Bernie Taupin

I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I've seen so much traffic

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

So bring it on, I've been bruised
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I've had enough

A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

It's not easy to be me

Ages ago, while in the UK, not feeling too good, I had a way of fixing really bad moments. I brought my MP3-player with me, full of 'come on, make me cry' - music. Whenever I needed and could "escape" the crowd I was with, I rushed outside and found a place to hide. I was lucky, 'cause it was somewhere in Kent, beautiful landscape, and whilst it was November, the weather was cooperative too. The sun was out and everything was so quiet.

So as I sat down I would listen to the music and feel miserable. But with one song, I remember so clearly, I just couldn't resist looking up, instead of hanging my head down low. David Gray's "It's not easy to be me" could have been written for me, if not for the word "man" mentioned in there. Plus, which I only found out later, that it was apparently written for the movie about Superman, and I don't even have a "silly red sheet".

At first, couldn't find a suitable David Gray - vid to go along with it, although I am sure I have seen it once (the original, sung by David). Youtube is full of clips with this song, but none of them really matched with what I had in mind. A few of them came close though, especially this one which I found quite moving (don't you get all weak when you see somebody so madly in love?), but the one I choose to go with this post is the best I could do. I choose one with Dr. Who.

Reasons for that are actually quite irrelevant but will do for me. One because my boys love Dr. Who (modern versions for them of course) which made me watch it with them now and again. And I even cried when Rose left the series. Reason nbr. 2 is Christopher Ecklestone (1st Dr. Who in new series). Not because I find him such a gorgeous looking hunk (which, in fact, he is) but because I met him. O yes.

Every summer for the last 15 (! scary !) years I spent some weeks in an area in the UK, South West, where we, as a family, met up with loads of friends. The beach, on walking distance from where I stayed, is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I have very special memories about it.

One day on this beach, I saw a couple cuddling up with each other on their sandy towels. I couldn't stop myself from watching them sneakily, I kept on looking again because I was so sure that I had seen them before. A little while later I knew where. On TV.

Now I have forgotten the name of the actress (come back on that later) but he was Dr. Who.

Or Christopher Ecklestone, whatever. And I had a little chat with him; he is what he looks like: very, very nice. The rest of the day a significant amount of women spotted him as well, poor Chris couldn't move or do anything without it being noticed.

It can't be easy to be him.

J

Weakness in me

When feeling low, I like to "treat" myself with a dreadful but lovely amount of hours surfing the net. As I love music, a fair bit is spend on searching for and listening/watching songs. That's one of my weaknesses.

So I stumbled upon this one, which touches me so much and makes me really want to see The L Word series (another good reason for surfing). Melissa Etheridge is so good anyway, her voice goes right through you and I admire her strong personality.

As I was writing this post, I realised that I wondered whether or not I would offend some people who have "a problem" with lesbians. But hey, this is my blog, and I do most certainly not have "a problem" with lesbians/gays whatsoever, so what should stop me posting it? Why did I even think that way?

Because I am used not to think for myself enough, always worried what others may feel or say. But that is coming to an end, I do not want to be influenced by other's opinions. I also don't want to be ashamed or embarrassed about my own personality, as long as I don't hurt someone of course.

Whatever, it won't hurt anybody if I say that I like lesbians. Or gays. Or the so called "straight". And if it does,
so be it.

J