Humps & Lumps

(Conversation with myself)
Let's face it J, life is crap. Well, at the moment, anyway. And crap is not really the proper word to use here, but moody mood swings are present and cause this somewhat sarcastic state of mind. And hey, as I am talking to myself, nobody hears it, right? So stop worrying about the words I use, ok?

So, as life is crap, I should do something about it. Having said that, "doing something about it" is actually causing more crap right now. But the purpose of it all, is that the crap eventually will become less and may even only be this nasty but tiny spot on the background. The getting rid of crap (-feelings) asks a lot of me, and I think that I need some good stuff to keep me going.

The reason I'm telling me this happens to be, again, a "guilty feelings-one". For god's sake, I had a good evening right? Why feel guilty about it?! I did something I have been wanting to do for a while now:

I had a Tai Chi lesson.

It was one of the best things I've done for a long time. This was only the first lesson, but it left me wishing I'd done it much sooner. One of the many facts I noticed, was the awareness of myself. I couldn't see myself but I felt every bit of my body. This is actually for another post, but there's just one more thing I have to say: every bit of my body meant also: every hump and lump of my body. Funnily enough I couldn't be bothered. In fact, when cycling back with Motek and Mad-hd, I was constantly thinking about Alanis Morissette's extremely hilarious cover of The Black Eyed Peas' original so, in terms of "some good stuff": have a laugh (and please, don't feel guilty about it)!

speak to you soon,
J

To Shut Up or Not To Shut Up - that's the question

Sometimes I just wonder, with important matters of everyday's life, how the brain, and in this case mine, deals with experiences. Don't know about yours, but this particular bit of my head is slowly but surely pushing me into this Hamlet-state of mind. Something like "To be or not to be?" but then slightly less dramatic.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you suppose to learn from experiences? I know I am led quite often (if not always) by the heart, but WTF,

what's the reason for the being of the brain, if it's not doing what it's supposed to do?!

I have nearly always coped with this question in the same way. My recipe for this type of self medication is music. The ingredients may vary, as do the reasons for using this after wicked behaviour. I mean, listening to "It's my life" by Jon Bon Jovi will not always get me where I want (the 'I don't care, I'll do it my way' - mood). Nor will "I'm still standing" (Elton John) always retrieve the 'but I managed so far, so I feel proud' - voice in my head. And there are plenty of choices for the more 'sad' or 'sorry' kinds of dealing with this brain outlet exposure.

The allmighty "Oh no, I did it again" feeling.

(I prefer 'oh no' instead of 'oops' because before you know it, you've done a Britney and I don't want to end up with a shaved head).

One thing that applies to all of the ingredients, no matter what you wack in the bowl and mix up, the result should be listened to LOUD. And I mean really loud, so that nothing else will interfear and you are completely surrounded by the music. Unless you are driving of course, which asks for a bit of more responsible attention.

One of my favorites, and maybe especially whilst driving but for what reasons I don't know, is from the Black Eyed Peas. And it's multi functional too. Though there is sometimes nothing better than telling somebody else to shut up, it can also be used directed to yourself when you, again, messed up and wished for owning one of Harry Potter's wands: with a "Veni, Vidi, Vadi!" phrase you magically disappear, leaving your witnesses behind wondering what the hell that was all about. You just hope they'll forget or at least pretend it never happened.

But until I am accepted at Hogwarth's, I'll have nothing else to do than hit the volume button and sing along.